Out with the old, in with the new.  That’s how it’s said, right?  But is it true?

Many of us go into a new year with fresh ideas, new words, new plans, firm convictions in changing priorities.  But more often than not, by February or March, the old habits and ideas take over, the plans crumble.  Or maybe you started with great intentions but found that your resolutions were not sustainable.   Whether it’s new and healthier routines for the day, more time focusing on your physical health with a new gym membership, finding a plan to read through the Bible in one year, a greater attempt to attend bible study more faithfully, spending more time doing constructive things, spending less time on your device and more time reading….we all have things we want to improve on, and turning over the calendar to January 1 of a new year seems like the best way to implement it all.    But then you sleep in too many times and your resolution to start your day with Bible reading and prayer at 5 a.m. loses it’s luster.  Or you get sick and then have a hard time finding the energy to go back to the gym at 7 a.m., and before you know it you’ve missed a full week.  Or you start your 1-year reading plan and get to Leviticus, and you just can’t keep going with all the laws and rituals in that book and so you slack off and other things take it’s place.  Or you decide to stop playing games on your phone or scrolling through social media, so you delete all those apps, but you find yourself bored or too tired to do anything else, and you reinstall them.  So many things can get in the way of changes! 

“They” say that it all it takes is 30 days to cement a habit.  But is that it?  Or is more required?

“I just need to have a stronger will.” 
“I just need reminders.”

“I just need someone to hold me accountable.”

And while those ideas are commendable and worthwhile implementing, again I ask: is more required? I think so.

A changed heart.  At the bottom of the above ideas and pitfalls is sinfulness.  “Wait,” you say, “that’s not fair, I do have a sincere desire to do xyz!”  Yes, yes, you do.  I do. We all do. But our sinful nature says, “you can skip today, one sleep in won’t hurt, adding back 1 game or app won’t derail you.”  And our heart – left alone – says back, “ya, you’re right.  It won’t hurt. I can stop right there. I need time for me. I have a cold, I am too tired, I can’t think, I’m…” (fill in the blank).   What’s underneath that? Self.

Of course there are always legitimate reasons we can’t get up at 5 a.m., (the baby was teething, two kids were throwing up, insommia), or we accidentally slept late and we’re rushed to get the kids out the door or ourselves off to work, or we really do get sick and cannot go anywhere,  or any number of things.  I’m not suggesting that there isn’t what we call – life.  Life happens. 

Ask again – so why do we spend time thinking about new and fresh ways of living and being at the new year?  It does feel like the fresh start we are all looking for.  But isn’t Spring good for that too?  New life is a great reason to strive anew. Or September when the kids return to school and normal routines start again?   What’s your reason for your new year resolutions and plans?

Many times over my 5 decades of living I have done the resolution thing.  I’ve done the “what are your goals for this year? 5 years? 10 years?”, thing.  And by March – well, it’s safe to say that I haven’t ever successfully kept anything.  Because my motivation wasn’t about Another.  My motivation was about Me.  Because I wasn’t looking to my Heavenly Father and seeking to do His will.  I was trying to fit my will into my life in my way.   When we make new decisions to change things – do we start by examining our hearts?  Do we look to see where sin is lurking and resolve to seek the Holy Spirit’s help to conquer those?  Do we go to God in prayer and ask Him to guide us into more faithful ways of living for His glory?  Do we desire to live with an eternal perspective – or just a here and now only perspective?

Don’t get me wrong.  I am NOT saying I’ve got this all figured out.  Because I certainly do not.  But as I’ve learned and grown over the last number of years, God has taught me to rely on Him and to trust Him.  That HE is the starting point. Not my life. Not my health.  Not my time. Not my work.  Not even my marriage or children. HE is.  And when my priority is God – the other things will fall into place.  Don’t get me wrong.  I am NOT saying that I’ve got this all figured out.  No, that’s not a typo – I purposefully wrote it twice because it’s true.  I don’t have it all figured out.  But I’m learning.   Although, I think I’m a slow learner.  Maybe you feel like that too. 

But GOD.  He is so merciful and gracious and loving and compassionate….and patient. And He keeps pursuing our hearts. He wants to change our hearts to be focused on Him.  He wants us to make Jesus front and center of all our resolutions and plans.  Jesus wants first place in our hearts.  So, as we start 2025, may I encourage you to look at your heart, and then look to Jesus – and set your plans before Him, seeking to do His will.  Ask Him for strength and perseverance, and the ability to strive to walk in His ways.

From a purely personal perspective, I want to share my thoughts on looking at making those 1,5,10-year goals/plans.   Doing that isn’t wrong in and of itself.  It can be very helpful to know what you would like to achieve, where you want to “be”, and how you want to be living.  However, hard lessons have taught my husband and I that “man plans, God laughs”.   No, that’s not in the Bible. It’s an old Yiddish proverb. But this is: Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”  Or Proverbs 16:9 “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”

In 2014 things were going well.  Our oldest was graduating from high school, Martin had a good job teaching and was well liked by the kids, I had made the decision to go back to school to get my nursing license back so I could help the family in a more significant way financially.   Martin had done the same in 2003 – gone back to school to get his BA and PDP in order to teach.  All the doors for our plans for me were opening in amazing ways.  I was allowed by the Nursing College to take a refresher course, instead of doing the whole 4-year program.  I got to do my preceptorship at Langley hospital on 2North which is what I wanted.  I got hired right away to work there after I was done with school.  I got as much work as I needed as a casual.  I got hired 6 months later on the maternity unit – which was the ultimate goal of going back to get my RN license.  I started working right away doing postpartum work and landed a 0.81 line (which is like 80% of a fulltime job).  I got to take the specialty course for labour and delivery and started working as a full L&D nurse by February 2017.  Life was good.  Our plans were falling into place!  God had blessed everything we endeavored to do in the previous 10 years. 

But God’s plans prevailed….and we certainly didn’t take that into real consideration.  In 2015 Martin’s Mom died and it set the family on a year’s long conflict with his dad that included little to no contact with him.  In early 2017, Martin received the diagnosis of a brain adenoma and subsequently a diagnosis of Acromegaly due to an overactive pituitary tumor that was secreting high amounts of growth hormone.  With that diagnosis came trips to doctors and even going on a chemo type drug (injection at home) to slow any growth of the tumor, along with the plan to remove the tumor through surgery.  The stress of family conflict, the diagnosis, and the insane stress of being a new labor and delivery nurse caused me to have a serious mental breakdown at the end of 2017 that resulted in me being taken off work as a nurse. Or any work for that matter.  Martin’s surgery occurred in January 2018.  It had the desired result – no more tumor. Normal growth hormone levels.  But it came with the incredibly hard reality of increased headache pain and sensory stimulation issues – such that we spent the next 2 years trying to find ways, doctors, medicines, treatments both mainstream and natural/holistic to reduce and manage the pain.  That included many trips to Vancouver.  With no lasting or tenable results.  At the end of 2018, our son had two car accidents, and they compounded the injuries he had sustained as a result of 2 concussions in 2015.  He too, like my hubby, had nonstop headaches with sensory issues.  Hard to believe, I know, but true.  I spent much of 2019 driving him to and from medical appointments (alongside the ones for Martin) trying to find relief and answers and cures.  To no avail.  I was going through my own significant depression, seeing a counselor, a psychiatrist, my own doctor. 

By now, all our plans had derailed.  Martin could no longer work as a teacher.  Or do anything for long lengths of time or be in places with many people – such as church or family gatherings.  He didn’t drive anymore, except for short trips and only during the day.  Since January 28, 2018, Martin has not been able to go to church for worship.  Martin went to school for 5 years to work for only 10 years before God took that away from him, along with the ability to be the breadwinner, to have that sense of self and productivity as a family man.  At 17 months post breakdown, I was able to attempt to return to work under close supervision – a very slow, gradual re-entrance, starting with only 4 hours, working my way up to 12, only days, working my way into nights, and back into my line.  I started the return-to-work process in the summer of 2019.   But with the continued stressors of our life, I lasted only until February 2020.  I had a second serious mental breakdown just before Covid hit.  I will never return to work as a nurse in any capacity.  Too much time has gone by.  So, I went to school for 1 year (basically) to only work for not even 18 months before God took that away from me. 

Over the next several years, we had many painful, shocking trials and events with 2 of our kids – one who is no longer in our life because she has cut off all contact with us, and the other who has made life altering choices that we cannot affirm and remain true to our Lord. We haven’t seen or heard from our daughter for 2 years.  I cannot go into details – they are not mine to tell.  All I can say is that the pain and grief and stress has only compounded the difficult reality of what happened to Martin and myself over those years. 

Our previous picture of the future:  financial stability, good health, a strong solid family which would have consisted of 4 children married to good godly people with grandchildren in the future, a robust life in the church and ministry, able to help others and live “productively”, maybe even to finally one day take a trip to Mexico or something…. gone.  Taken away by God.  Yes, this was all part of His sovereign plan for our lives.  Why?  No idea.  Frustrating?  You bet.  Painful? Without a doubt.   Instead, both of us are on a fixed income of long-term disability – until age 65 and then who knows what our income will look like.  We no longer own a home; we can only rent.  We can’t really leave the area we live in or else we lose our long-term disability, doctors and insurance coverage.  Nor would we want to, because our other 2 kids who live here are such blessings in our lives! They are both in fabulous, solid relationships with wonderful, godly people, and we have 1 grandson with another on the way, Lord willing.  And we belong to an incredibly supportive church family where we are needed and loved.  And many of our siblings live here – as well as my parents.  And friends.  These are our support networks. 

All this to say:  hold your plans loosely.  Don’t just tack on a “God willing”, without truly thinking about what it means!  Life is fragile.  Life is unpredictable.  It can change in an instant.  And we have ZERO control over it.  Our lives are literally in God’s hands.  The best, safest, most secure place to be.  Why did God allow us both to work for and get into good solid jobs, only to take it all away?  He knows.  We can surmise, but we don’t know.  But God knows.  And here is the crux: the only way to make resolutions and new plans/goals is to do so loosely – to put God first, submit to his lordship, fully trust in Him, and be open to whatever he chooses to send your way – whether it’s in your plans or not.

Wishing all my readers a blessed 2025 – may this be the year Jesus returns!